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OMG - I've become one of THOSE people . . .

I love reading blogs. It gives me great pleasure to read along and then follow the seasons through the year with a great blog. I am always disappointed, however, when everything just stops abruptly. No updates, no more posts, no "what happened" to the blogger explanation. I need answers. Why would you start something as wonderful as what you were doing (writing, having a life, taking pictures, posting, etc.) and then just stop. Did the person switch to another blog? Did they run out of ideas? Did they get bored? Did they die? So frustrating!

Well, guess what? I last posted in 2017 and that was it. It was spotty posts anyway. I really didn't have anything to post about anyway. I'd love to tell you that I did something so wonderful and things got so busy that I didn't have any time. I wish I could tell you that. But nothing happened. I got a more than full time job. I was finally able to support myself and pay bills and have a life. But . . . I forgot to get a life. I stopped carrying on with anything. Friends and relatives died. People moved away. The small band of compadres got a lot smaller and carried on without me. I woke up one day in 2019 and they were all gone. There was no one to call, write to, visit, or wave at. Nobody. There are memories. The things they left behind are gathering dust. I was aware. I saw it coming decades ago. I am alone.

The Pandemic of 2020 evened the playing field as far as I was concerned. Everybody's world got smaller. People came around to my circumstance. They cried about. They missed physical contact. They tried very unsuccessfully to distract themselves away from what they had lost - a life outside of their own head. Suddenly they all could have understood where I was and who I was. Yeah, right - now everybody seems pathetic. I spent the year reflecting on all I had been and all I had lost. I spiraled further and further downward. But, I made some revelations to myself and some decisions for 2021. Despite not being a good person, being scared of everything, overthinking everything, being angry all the time at everything and everyone - I could start an effort to re-build. 2021 had a theme: Adventure Awaits. I was determined to broaden my low horizons and make the best of what was left, little though it be.

And just when I thought I had really locked in on something, I realized I needed to broaden the term "adventure". Facing my worst fears became a reality. I had to seek medical attention for bad pain. I knew it would not be pretty. It ain't even cute. I am on an adventure alright - body malfunctions, fuzzy brain, really bad anxiety, horrible nightmares - a life turned upside down in one hour with one doctor visit. Now, three short weeks later, there is a very small speck of light on the horizon. My diagnosis is a very large ovarian cyst, hypertension, diabetes 2, and morbid obesity. Not the golden years of my early sixties when my earning potential was supposed to be high and I was going to have friends in for dinner, travel several times a year, and enjoy being in my beautiful home with my wonderful animals. Such the fairy tale vision for someone denying reality. I've screwed up my entire life and I have to sort it out by myself. Alone.

So that's what happened to my blog. I am going to use my blog and website as therapy. I want colors of all kinds, images and photos that reflect me. I hope to update each page to be as current as possible and be as pretty as possible. Writing and posting hopefully with help with my fuzzy, fuzzy brain. I am struggling to type this - I am so out of practice - but the best realization of all is that I am out of practice with just about everything. I need to make the best of the life I have left. I want this to be my legacy: Adventure Awaits and everything is an adventure.


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